As usual, let's summarize 2023 with a subtitle. I was initially torn between choosing "You'll know when you survive" or "You'll see when you're alive." Suddenly, I remembered the classic line from the movie "The Battle of Sarajevo" that I watched last year: "Whoever is alive can see." I appreciate the optimism behind this line, and I hope to be more optimistic about my future prospects. So, in the end, I decided to use "You'll see when you're alive."
"The world is dangerous." This sentence came to mind countless times throughout the year, considering all the things that happened in the world. "Who am I and why am I here?" I often found myself lost in these moments of uncertainty.
I grew up with the education of a "global village" and "globalization," but these dreams seem to have shattered. This year, I traveled to many places around the world and studied various policies, but the more I saw, the more I realized how unequal the world is. I began to doubt whether there really is such a thing as "universal values." I still feel a surge of emotion when I think of Lu Xun's words, "If there is no torch after this, then I am the only light." I am also moved by Liang Ren's words, "Ten years of drinking ice, difficult to cool the hot blood." But I feel myself becoming numb and despicable. I don't know where my path leads, I'm starting to forget the way I came, and I don't know who I am. I feel like "I" is also crumbling along with the world.
But it seems that I have become more patient than ever before. I am learning to let go of attachments and believe that being alive is the answer itself. "Whoever is alive can see." The universe is vast, so why worry? Cherish the present, cherish the moment.
Review of 2023#
Footprints#
I did a lot of traveling last year, literally circling the earth and more.
In 2023, I spent 7 days or more in the following counties/cities/states/countries: Chongli, Xi'an, Shanghai, Beijing, Dali, Hong Kong, Singapore, Montenegro, Serbia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, California, Chiang Mai.
Other cities/countries I visited include: Lijiang, Seoul, Paris, Madrid, Qatar.
Airports I had layovers in: Frankfurt Airport, Tokyo Haneda Airport, Warsaw Chopin Airport. I found it interesting to have layovers of a few hours in different countries, like tasting a concentrated drink made from the essence of each country. The most memorable one was Frankfurt Airport - the Germans are really tall. I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach the counter when I bought sausages with my card.
Technically, Qatar was also a layover, but since Qatar is a visa-free country, I intentionally chose a flight with a layover of more than 20 hours so that I could explore beyond the airport.
Love#
Reading last year's year-end summary, I wrote, "In the past year, I have gained a deeper understanding of what love is, what kind of love I want to build, what I can give, and what I expect." Suddenly, I fell silent. It seems like I still don't understand. How could I have been so confident back then?
I am happy and proud that I have created many beautiful moments with the people I love throughout the year. But in practice, I have come to a deeper understanding of the effort required behind it. As for the "country of love," it is such a great ideal. I no longer find myself able to speak in terms of "the world," such as "having a heart for the world, having a life for the people" or "worrying about the world's sorrows before enjoying its joys." Human capabilities are limited, and I am becoming more withdrawn and pessimistic. Now, I just want to practice gratitude and generosity in every day of my life.
Of course, "you'll see when you're alive." I respect my present thoughts and also respect the possibility of changing them in the future.
Know Yourself is the most difficult question in life#
Understanding my strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, beliefs and doubts, fears and trusts - these are the perspectives I often observe myself from. I am certain that my self-awareness in these aspects has grown stronger over the past year, but I still find self-awareness to be the most perplexing question of 2023.
I can't figure out who I am, what I want, and I don't understand my subconscious. I tried to find answers in psychology books, seek wisdom from Buddhist scriptures, look for clues in astrology, and search for experiences in history... but it feels like wandering through a maze. However, in the end, I may have gained some enlightenment - not to judge, "all appearances are illusions," and perhaps there are no answers, and that is the answer.
Another issue related to self-awareness is the question of identity. Although I am an introverted person, I realized that sometimes my avoidance of socializing is not just because I prefer solitude, but because I struggle with my own identity. In these situations, even solitude doesn't bring much happiness.
In the past, I could easily avoid socializing, such as when I was a student, because my identity was simple - just an ordinary student. I didn't have any identity issues, and solitude could support my self-worth affirmation. But as my sense of self-worth became more complex with growth, I couldn't find all my value affirmation in solitude. Identity is a social concept, built upon the feedback of others and established through social interactions.
Input and Output#
In response to the expectation I set in 2022 to spend more time playing games, I played a lot of "The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild" on airplanes and trains last year. However, I still haven't obtained the paraglider. The game I played the most last year was probably Just Dance, lol.
I didn't keep track of the books I read, but it wasn't a lot. I read more non-fiction than fiction. But in the second half of last year, I suddenly had the urge to read a large number of novels. I admit that this is essentially an escapism mentality, wanting to immerse myself in the world of literature, just like being immersed in alcohol.
At the beginning of the year, I vowed to start a weekly report plan, but unfortunately, I couldn't stick to it for more than a few weeks. In summary, atlas-thinking updated a total of 3 blog posts, atlas updated 20 blog posts (including some short ones), and the wandering she goes channel updated about 40 pieces of content. I feel most regretful about the lack of updates in the wandering she goes channel. The main reason is that I had accumulated too much content and was hesitant to publish new ones... The same problem happened with the weekly reports... In the new year, I hope to have less of this perfectionism and focus more on creative expression.
Health#
Looking back, I realized that I didn't have a physical examination or blood test throughout the year. I plan to have a physical examination early next year. Overall, I felt that my physical condition was not great last year, as I had several colds.
Sleep: It was basically a mess. However, I observed that I seemed to be able to maintain (relatively) early bedtimes and wake-up times more easily while traveling, possibly due to exhaustion or exposure to sunlight.
Diet and exercise: I ate out a lot this year, even when I was at home, I cooked less. To compensate for my neglect in diet, I started taking some supplements in the second half of the year. But honestly, I only remembered to take them when I thought about it, and if I didn't, I just let it go.
Exercise was also not consistent. Most of the time, I was in a lazy state. At the beginning of the year, I sprained my foot while skateboarding, and it still hasn't fully recovered. I underwent some sports rehabilitation and also resolved some issues with my knee joints. It's not completely resolved, but it's better than before, and I think the orthopedic treatment played a more significant role, with sports rehabilitation being more of a supplementary role (although the supplementary role is not unimportant).
Although the intensity of exercise was not high, I still had the opportunity to experience the world. Last year, I tried three new sports: rock climbing, scuba diving, and Muay Thai. Among them, rock climbing became one of my favorite sports in 2023, and my skiing skills also improved.
Supplements I took regularly:
- Fish oil (for lowering cholesterol)
- Grape seed extract (supposedly improves urticaria... not sure)
- Calcium gluconate (supposedly improves urticaria... not sure)
- Calcium magnesium zinc tablets (supplementing trace elements; I usually take them when I don't take calcium gluconate, or vice versa)
- 21st Century multivitamin (supplementing vitamins)
Outlook for 2024#
Tolerance is more important than freedom#
On one hand, as mentioned earlier, I seem to have become more pessimistic after seeing more of the world. On the other hand, I am more aware of how rare the quality of tolerance is. I know that I am not someone with a great temper, and I often have an unstable mindset. But growth is the process of smoothing out rough edges. "Anger is a virtue" used to be on my lips, but now I find myself using "tolerance is more important than freedom" as a self-reminder.
In the new year, I hope to do better in "how to love, tolerate, and be patient with others."
Active socializing#
As mentioned earlier, I hope to actively establish a more stable sense of self-identity through social interactions. It's challenging, but I want to face this challenge.
On the other hand, as I understand more and more that human capabilities are limited, I also realize the importance of collaboration. As an introverted person and a perennial solo player, I don't really know how to cooperate. I hope to learn better collaboration and communication through more practice.
Becoming a stronger person#
This is the same desire and expectation as the previous year - to become physically stronger and mentally stronger. Yes, I yearn for strength. But I also recognize that strength requires focus. Life requires subtraction, which is not easy. I still haven't figured out where to subtract.
Others#
There are many other expectations and ambitions, but they are specific goals that need to be pursued. It's already 2024! I wish everyone happiness!