Outside the window, the clear sky stretches for thousands of miles, and the warm winter sun envelops the dense branches. Birds fly back and forth from time to time. I glanced at my phone, 8 degrees Celsius. "Great, finally it's not below zero degrees," I muttered to myself. But then I thought, what does this bright and sunny scene have to do with me? I am still confined to this dark room, unable to even muster the strength to leave this bed.
The world outside the window, free and expansive, seems so close yet so far away. At that moment, the words "warm during the day, cold at night, frying a person's life" came to mind. Suddenly, I understood Li He's state of mind when he wrote this poem.
That being said, it's a bit presumptuous of me. The difficulties and torment caused by my illness in my life are far less than what Chang Ji (I always feel that using both the first and last name sounds too formal, so I'll just call him Chang Ji) experienced. But in that moment, I still felt something. Chang Ji was plagued by illness throughout his life and passed away at the young age of 27. I guess he wrote this poem "Bitter Day" driven by the torment of his illness. My head felt heavy, and closing my eyes felt like descending into hell. My eyes were burning, and my pounding heart controlled each hot breath. Every minute was difficult to endure, constantly coughing, and each cough tore at my throat, causing excruciating pain... Such days were like my life slowly being fried over a small fire. The day and night alternated outside the window, and I could see from the temperature on my phone that it was warm during the day and cold at night. But in reality, that world with its warmth and coldness had nothing to do with me. It was just waiting outside the window for my life to be boiled away.
Being sick always seems to have a destructive impact on my will to live, making me involuntarily empathize with the despair and sorrow associated with death. It has been a long time since I had such a serious illness, and it has been a long time since I felt my willpower decrease to this extent.
Illness Progress (Hopefully the End)
First, let me record the progress of this illness.
First of all, this virus has an incubation period. It is estimated that I was infected with the virus on a day between Friday and Monday because I was with a friend during those days. Our symptoms were very similar, and the onset of the illness was also very close.
Tuesday (11/28): The day before I got sick.
- Sleep: in bed for 8 hours and 48 minutes/asleep for 7 hours and 32 minutes (data from Sleep Cycle app).
Everything was normal, except that my neck was very sore from falling while skiing (looking back now, I suspect that I may have already been infected with the virus on the day of skiing, which caused the soreness in my neck. After all, the fall wasn't serious, and I didn't feel any pain at the time, so I don't know why it became sore later on), but overall, I felt fine. I even did some squats and other bodyweight strength training at home in the evening. My sleep was also normal.
Wednesday (11/29): The first day of being sick.
- Sleep: in bed for 10 hours and 31 minutes/asleep for 9 hours and 7 minutes (data from Sleep Cycle app), hardly woke up during the night.
- Heart rate: My heart rate started to steadily increase from around 9 am, reaching 110 bpm around 11 pm. However, after taking medication, my heart rate gradually decreased during sleep and returned to around 65 bpm by 6 am the next morning (data from Apple Watch).
- Body temperature: 35+/36+/37+/38.6/38.9 degrees Celsius.
I woke up feeling fine for the first two hours, and even had a meeting with a colleague to discuss work. But around 10 am, I suddenly started feeling uncomfortable, with a heavy head and a pounding heart. I felt like I had a fever, but when I measured my body temperature, it was only slightly above 35 degrees Celsius. Headaches and coughing worsened throughout the day.
Around 11 am, I measured my body temperature again, and it was slightly above 36 degrees Celsius, but I decided to take an expired ibuprofen pill. Since my body temperature was not high, I didn't think I would be seriously ill. Taking the medication was just a habit for me whenever I had a headache. The reason the medication was expired was because even though I had bought it a long time ago, it worked quickly (probably not extended-release), and it provided good relief for headaches, so I kept taking it...
During lunchtime, I already felt much better, and the ibuprofen was working.
Around 4 or 5 pm, unexpectedly, my cough worsened, and I felt extremely dizzy. By this time, my body temperature had risen to over 37 degrees Celsius. The soreness in my neck and shoulders had not improved, and the muscle pain from the fever became even more intense. But I still planned to push through and go out to find a massage parlor for my neck and shoulders, as I was worried that I would feel even worse later on.
Around 8 pm, after the massage, I was considering whether to go to a hot spring to warm up (the outdoor temperature was as low as -12 degrees Celsius that day). But when I measured my body temperature, it was 38.6 degrees Celsius (the first time I had a fever). It would have been risky to go to the hot spring with such a high body temperature, so I decided to eat something and then go back home (side note: the restaurant owner kindly provided me with a mixture of ice water and a plastic bag to keep it cold/side note 2: I couldn't find where I had parked my car, so I ended up walking in the cold wind for a long time and felt almost crazy...).
I returned home around 10:30 pm and measured my body temperature again, which was 38.9 degrees Celsius. So, I took another ibuprofen capsule.
Thursday (11/30): The second day of being sick.
- Heart rate: My heart rate remained stable at around 85 bpm throughout the day, with a slight increase in the morning. It dropped to around 60 bpm during the night (data from Apple Watch).
- Sleep: The watch ran out of battery in the morning, so the data is incomplete. I probably slept for 7-8 hours. I woke up about three times during the night to use the bathroom and drink water, but I didn't feel any discomfort (data from Sleep Cycle app).
- Body temperature: 35.9/37.3/38.4/38.5/38.3/37.7/37.3 degrees Celsius.
In the morning, I measured my body temperature at 35.9 degrees Celsius. Since taking the medication the night before, I had been in a drowsy state, and when I woke up in the morning, the fever was completely gone. The neck and shoulder soreness had also eased significantly due to the massage the previous day. I almost thought that I was getting better.
Around noon, just as the medication was wearing off (the ibuprofen capsule had a duration of 12 hours), I started feeling feverish and weak all over my body. To make matters worse, I found out at noon that our room would be without water until 6 pm.
At 2:50 pm, my temperature rose to 37.3 degrees Celsius (the second time I had a fever), so I took another ibuprofen pill.
At 4:00 pm, it was 38.4 degrees Celsius.
At 6:15 pm, it was 38.5 degrees Celsius.
At 7:05 pm, it was 38.3 degrees Celsius.
At 10:30 pm, it finally dropped to 37.7 degrees Celsius.
Around 2:00 am, before going to sleep, I measured my temperature again, and it was 37.3 degrees Celsius.
On that night, perhaps due to the weakened immune system from the fever, I developed an allergic reaction near the area where I wore my watch and around my knee pits. So, I took an antihistamine pill.
Although I still had a fever the next day, overall, I felt much better.